okay..i bet you won't know who i am. so, lets skip the introducing part. yeah. i'm trying to write down all the things i can't say by my mouth because i don't know how to say them. i just wanna write and feel relieve.

Sunday, June 20

i'm drunk.

I HATE YOU, WORLD! when i take this life with joking and laughing even tought i got the hardest problem in life, people keep taking this life really really serious. when i take this life so serious and i don't wanna hear a giggles, people keep playing around and acting like an idiot. thats-so-unfair. I don't know what to write.

Friday, June 18

you're important to me

you're important to me because we share laughters. sometimes we share regular laughters, but at times we laugh over things that no one but us can find the humor in. that's my favorite kind of laughter and you are my favorite person to share it with
you're important to me because we share tears. sometimes they are regular tears, but at times they are private ones that only we can share and understand. those are the most important kind and i'm thankful that i have you to share them with.
you're important to me because we can share any secrets and know that whether or not we agree with it, its in safe keeping. i know that i can tell you things i could never tell anyone else.
you're important to me because we can share hopes and dreams. when we share them.....we know that we have someone who supports each other, believes in what we want, and who will hope as much as we do that our dreams can come true.
ya know that you are so important to me, there is no person in the world who could ever take your place in my life.
there is no one i'd rather laugh or cry with or share my innermost thoughts with, and there is absolutely no one i'd rather have as my very special boyfriend.
Love you, Jul!

Tell me about my future

Tell me about my future, because I don't want to wait. Tell what will happen.
I can't sit around thinking of my demise, and wondering who's my love.
Mom said "que cera cera what ever will be will be" but I can't help...I'm worry about what will become of me.
I will always be anxious if I will end up alone, if I will never find someone to share my home with.
this is my life. i'm not really sure why i got here. i often feels like "god, take me! take me! take meee!" or "i wanna die, mom! just gimme the knife!" ya know...my momma called it "depression" because i'm just a total jerk&asshole...i always try my best but i OFTEN don't succeeded and i just gave up on life. i'm alive, yeah, but without soul. people keep saying "dont think about it" but i just can't.

Monday, June 7

The Competition

I never wanted to be better than my friends. I just wanted to prove wrong the people in my head.....the ones who told me I'd be better of dead, the ones who told me that I would never win. Much too dumb for school and much too lazy for a job. So I rode my scooter like lightning and I made cappuccinos that would make the angels sing. Took two showers a day and I dressed up like a princess. Shook my fist in my own face and said I'll show you who's the best. I thought if I succeeded I'd be happy and they'd go away, but first thing in the morning I'd still wake up and I'd hear them say "you're stupid, you should really be ashamed. no one will ever like you, you're not good at anything".
And sometimes I'd rise to the challenge. But other times I'd feel so bad that I could not get out of bed, and on the days I stayed in bed... I think and think and think about how crappy I felt no realizing how many other people would relate.
Thanks for saying the things I didn't know how to say. And the people in my head still visit me sometimes, and they bring all of their friends but I don't mind.
I like it when I sing too loud and clear. I'm saying "yeah, I'm not alone".
I got good at feeling bad and that's why I'm still here.