okay..i bet you won't know who i am. so, lets skip the introducing part. yeah. i'm trying to write down all the things i can't say by my mouth because i don't know how to say them. i just wanna write and feel relieve.

Friday, July 16


i'm sorry for the things say, i'm sorry for the way i misbehave.

you're sorry for the way you yell. you're sorry for the way you treat me but you never sorry for the things you say.

you hurt me when you say those words..

after apologizing... our fight isn't put to an end.

aku tetep sayang kamu, no matter what.




pgn nangis.

gak tau kenapa hidup gue belakangan ini kerasa.....hampa banget :( banyak hal yg gue takutin skrg.
gue kesel! kenapa gue gak bisa blak-blakan blg kalo "GUE GAK SUKA" ato "GUE GAK MAU" ke org2?!?!
gue mikir.... "gue salah ya? kyknya iya" gue pgn minta maaf tp dari hati gue sendiri blg "bukan lo doang yg salah". nahlo....mampus bgt. tp kalo menurut GUE kenyataannya emg gitu.

gue kesel! kenapa gue, ke sendiri aja, gak bisa jujur!

nulis diblog aja nih takut-takut, "nanti kalo dibaca gmn ya? trs kalo dia ngerasa trs marah gmn ya?". ANJINGGGGGGG secara gak lgsg gue yg goblok... "INI BLOG JUGA BLOG LO, GOBLOK! NGAPAIN TAKUT NULIS SEMUA YG ADA DI OTAK LO?!"

ok pertama gue mau bilang....siapapun yg NGERASA gue tulis di blog ini maaf banget gue bukannya mau ngejelekin lo ato apa cuman gue gak bisa ngmg lgsg ke lo gmn tertekannya gue gak bisa ngmg jujur&terbuka ke lo. tp itu karna lo sendiri........gue takut lo marah kalo gue terlalu terbuka/jujur karena pasti lo bkln blg kalo gue salah mikir tentang lo ;(

LO.......penting buat gue. sangat penting. penting banget, bahkan terlalu penting. gue sadar, kdg2 gue mengkesampingkan temen-temen gue&sahabat-sahabat gue buat lo, gue gak peduli seberapa bete mereka sm gue grgr gue lebih mentingin lo. iya emang lo gak pernah nyuruh gue kyk gini. iya emang gue yg mau kyk gini karna gue syg lo. bukan berarti gue gak syg mereka. tp LO buat GUE itu beda dari mereka. dan maaf.......belakangan ini gue ngerasa lo berubah. lo jadi datar sama gue. dan gue ngerasa.....................i'm nothing for you :(

sometimes there's nothing left and when you look in the mirror... all you see is regret

gue gak nyesel karna sayang sama lo. gue gak pernah nyesel sama sekali. gue cuma nyesel, apa yg gue korbanin ke lo itu gak sebanding sama apa yg lo korbanin buat gue. itu menurut gue hahaha kalo gak bener ya gak boleh marah :)

Sunday, June 20

i'm drunk.

I HATE YOU, WORLD! when i take this life with joking and laughing even tought i got the hardest problem in life, people keep taking this life really really serious. when i take this life so serious and i don't wanna hear a giggles, people keep playing around and acting like an idiot. thats-so-unfair. I don't know what to write.

Friday, June 18

you're important to me

you're important to me because we share laughters. sometimes we share regular laughters, but at times we laugh over things that no one but us can find the humor in. that's my favorite kind of laughter and you are my favorite person to share it with
you're important to me because we share tears. sometimes they are regular tears, but at times they are private ones that only we can share and understand. those are the most important kind and i'm thankful that i have you to share them with.
you're important to me because we can share any secrets and know that whether or not we agree with it, its in safe keeping. i know that i can tell you things i could never tell anyone else.
you're important to me because we can share hopes and dreams. when we share them.....we know that we have someone who supports each other, believes in what we want, and who will hope as much as we do that our dreams can come true.
ya know that you are so important to me, there is no person in the world who could ever take your place in my life.
there is no one i'd rather laugh or cry with or share my innermost thoughts with, and there is absolutely no one i'd rather have as my very special boyfriend.
Love you, Jul!

Tell me about my future

Tell me about my future, because I don't want to wait. Tell what will happen.
I can't sit around thinking of my demise, and wondering who's my love.
Mom said "que cera cera what ever will be will be" but I can't help...I'm worry about what will become of me.
I will always be anxious if I will end up alone, if I will never find someone to share my home with.
this is my life. i'm not really sure why i got here. i often feels like "god, take me! take me! take meee!" or "i wanna die, mom! just gimme the knife!" ya know...my momma called it "depression" because i'm just a total jerk&asshole...i always try my best but i OFTEN don't succeeded and i just gave up on life. i'm alive, yeah, but without soul. people keep saying "dont think about it" but i just can't.

Monday, June 7

The Competition

I never wanted to be better than my friends. I just wanted to prove wrong the people in my head.....the ones who told me I'd be better of dead, the ones who told me that I would never win. Much too dumb for school and much too lazy for a job. So I rode my scooter like lightning and I made cappuccinos that would make the angels sing. Took two showers a day and I dressed up like a princess. Shook my fist in my own face and said I'll show you who's the best. I thought if I succeeded I'd be happy and they'd go away, but first thing in the morning I'd still wake up and I'd hear them say "you're stupid, you should really be ashamed. no one will ever like you, you're not good at anything".
And sometimes I'd rise to the challenge. But other times I'd feel so bad that I could not get out of bed, and on the days I stayed in bed... I think and think and think about how crappy I felt no realizing how many other people would relate.
Thanks for saying the things I didn't know how to say. And the people in my head still visit me sometimes, and they bring all of their friends but I don't mind.
I like it when I sing too loud and clear. I'm saying "yeah, I'm not alone".
I got good at feeling bad and that's why I'm still here.

Saturday, March 13

I'm back

Hey there. I've been so busy with homeworks&school stuff. I dont have a time to share some story on this blog. lagian juga hp gue udah disita, dulu kan gue lebih sering nulis blog pake handphone. DAAAAN kyknya terlalu banyak yg mau gue post aaaaa bingung harus mulai dari mana-_- oh iya the most important thing i want to tell is.......... skrg jam 3 pagi gila. gue online minjem notebooknya Stephan. ga penting sih emmm gue td abis baca postingan2 gue yg lama. gue kangeeeeeeeen bgt;( ok hidup gue udah ga kyk dulu. semenjak gue pindah dr Cilandak, dan skrg tinggal di Ciledug hidup gue mulai ancur-ancuran. lebay emg. pokonya gue kangen hidup gue yg dulu deh intinya, gitu aja biar ga repot. ah sialan adek gue bangun pasti ga lama dia bilang "woy pinjem dong woy gantian apa" emm bener kan. tau ga adek gue udah SMP skrg hahaha suaranya udah cool, badannya udah 3kali lipet dr badan gue. pdhl gue inget bgt dulu dia kecil unyil cm sedagu gue. yaudah lah ya dia emg cepet bgt gedenya. he already got a girlfriend. ceweknya rada gasopan sm gue. bukan "rada" deng tapi "BANGET". anyway, i gotta go. mau ngebenerin nih blog dulu abis itu ngeposting lagi tntg hidup gue yg baru. bye ;-*